Do Not Be Grieved by Your Neighbor

Hieromartyr Varlaam, Archbishop of Perm (+1942)

 

 

Do not be grieved by your neighbor when, instead of love, you meet with coldness on his part; otherwise the Spirit of God will be grieved at us, and this is a great calamity. In order that there may be no griefs:

Do not seek friends on earth, but have and seek as your Friend the Lord and the saints, with the Mother of God at their head.

If a friend happens to come, thank the Lord Who gave him, but do not comfort yourself with him, but with the Lord, so that the feeling of loneliness may not disappear from you. And you will not be lonely, but the Lord will be with you.

Do not exchange the Lord for anyone, and do not divide your heart, but give it entirely to the Lord; and love your neighbor not independently, for the sake of his goodness, and not selfishly, for the sake of your own consolation, but for the sake of the Lord, as His child. Love in the light of God’s love, as we love Pascha—purely and radiantly.

Strive to serve everyone, again, in the name of God, and not out of respect for or sympathy toward one another. As far as possible, love everyone equally, in a brotherly way; but do not expect love in return, and do not comfort yourself with it if it comes, lest the heart lose its love for God and exchange heavenly joy with the Lord for jealous torment and vexation with man.

When dealing with people, remember that all people are infirm and may unjustly offend you. Do not be troubled by this and do not be scandalized: attribute the evil to the devil, and regard the offense as a punishment for you for some sins, especially for pride and self-regard; and do not in the least consider yourself better than others, better than the one who offended you—he has nothing to do with it here; he is merely a transmitter of the will of God.

If you have been grieved at someone, then know that you are proud, that you love yourself and not God and your neighbors, and that you have forgotten your own sins and the need to humble yourself and endure. Repent of all this and reproach yourself. God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble (1 Pet. 5:5).

You will say that this is difficult; but with God’s help it is possible. Most importantly, you will become a friend of the Lord, and, being comforted by this, you yourself will even begin to feel burdened by pure friendship, since everything of God is inexpressibly sweet, while what is human is burdensome and foul-smelling. Therefore, do not despond; love everyone and flee from everyone; do not seek friendship; fear it as a consuming fire (Heb. 12:29). Serve everyone, but expect your reward not from them, but from the Lord: you will give Him a small coin, and He in return will give you a gold piece. The path of the love of God is frequent prayer (the short Jesus Prayer is convenient), silence, abstinence in everything, spiritual reading, and frequent preparation for Communion. Watch your tongue, and do not scrutinize the lives of those around you, and do not judge, but pray for everyone. Guard your soul from vanity; seek first the Kingdom of God, and all things will be added unto you. Love the Lord, and you will receive heaven.

 

Russian source: Господь не осудит смиренного: наставления преосвященного старца / архиеп. Варлаам (Ряшенцев), Parish of the Church of the Descent of the Holy Spirit, 2016.