Archimandrite Lazar (Abashidze) (+2018)
(From the author’s
work, Sin and Repentance in the Last Times)
It is said in Holy Scripture: My
son, if thou come to serve the Lord God, prepare thy soul for temptation. Set
thy heart aright, and be steadfast, and be not troubled in the time of
visitation. Cleave unto Him, and depart not away, that thou mayest be increased
at thy latter end (Sir. 2:1–3).
As soon as you resolve to fast,
repent, and confess your sins, a multitude of obstacles, both inward and
outward, will arise. The enemies of the human race, having learned of your
intention, will begin in every way to trouble you outwardly through various
circumstances, and inwardly through doubts, thoughts, and fears. But all this
will disappear as soon as you show firmness in your intention.
One should confess as often as
possible. The intervals between confessions should be filled with spiritual
struggle and effort, strengthened by the preceding confession, and with
expectation of and preparation for the next. Thus, the frequent confession of
sins will guard your entire pious way of life and keep it sober. The grace of
God, acting in the Mysteries of repentance and Holy Communion, perceptibly
makes a person sensitive to his sins and infirmities; he is not so easily moved
to sinful deeds and is strengthened in the truths of the Faith. The Church and
all her ordinances become his own, close to his heart.
Although it is desirable to have
one’s own spiritual father, this is by no means an indispensable condition for
true repentance. For a person who truly suffers because of his sin, it makes no
difference to whom he confesses it, provided only that he repent of it as soon
as possible and receive absolution. Repentance must be entirely free and in no
way compelled.
Confession is not a conversation
about one’s shortcomings and doubts, nor is it an account of one’s life given
to one’s spiritual father. Confession is a Mystery, not merely a pious custom.
Confession is the fervent repentance of the heart, a thirst for purification
arising from a sense of the sacred; it is a second Baptism, and consequently,
in repentance we die to sin and rise again to holiness. Contrition is the first
degree of holiness, while insensibility is a state of being outside holiness,
outside God.
The first task of one preparing
for confession should be the examination of the heart. For this, it is
necessary to prepare for several days: to fast, read spiritual literature, pray
more, read counsels and instructions concerning the Mystery of repentance, and
recall and write down one’s sins. People inexperienced in the spiritual life
usually perceive neither the multitude of their sins nor their loathsomeness.
They say: “I have done nothing extraordinary; I have only minor sins, like
everyone else—I have not stolen or killed anyone.” Many often begin their
confession in this way. But what of self-love? The inability to endure
reproaches? Hardness of heart? The desire to please men, weakness of faith,
lack of love for one’s neighbor? Faintheartedness, spiritual sloth? Are all
these insignificant sins? Can we claim that we love God sufficiently, that our
faith is active and fervent? Do we love every person as the Savior commanded?
Have we attained meekness, freedom from anger, and humility? How can our indifference
at confession and our self-conceit be explained, except by petrified
insensibility, by deadness of heart, by spiritual death? Why did the Holy
Fathers and our teachers, who left us prayers of repentance, consider
themselves the foremost of sinners, while we are convinced that all is well
with us?! The more brightly the light of Christ illumines the heart, the more
clearly all its defects, sores, and wounds are perceived. Conversely, people
immersed in the darkness of sin see nothing in their hearts; and even if they
do see something, they are not horrified, because they have nothing with which
to compare it, for Christ is hidden from them by the veil of their sins.
In examining the moral state of
one’s soul, one must strive to distinguish the principal sins from those
derived from them, and symptoms from their deeper causes. For example, we
notice—and this is very important—distraction during prayer, inattention during
the divine services, and a lack of interest in hearing and reading Holy
Scripture; but do not these sins arise from lack of faith and feeble love for
God?! We must take note within ourselves of self-will, disobedience,
self-justification, impatience with reproaches, unwillingness to yield, and
stubbornness; but it is far more important to discover and understand their
connection with self-love and pride. If we notice within ourselves a desire
always to be in company and among people, and if we display talkativeness,
mockery, and evil-speaking; if we are excessively concerned with our appearance
and clothing, then we must carefully examine these passions, for most often it
is in this way that our vainglory and pride manifest themselves. If we take the
misfortunes of life too much to heart, endure separation with difficulty, and
grieve inconsolably for the departed, is there not hidden within the force and
depth of these sincere feelings of ours a lack of faith in the good Providence
of God?
There is also another aid that
leads us to the knowledge of our sins: before confession, we should recall the
things of which we are usually accused by other people—those who live side by
side with us, those close to us. Very often their accusations, reproaches, and
criticisms are justified. Before confession, one must ask forgiveness of
everyone before whom one considers oneself guilty, so as to approach the
Mystery with an unburdened conscience.
In such an examination of the
heart, one must take care not to fall into excessive scrupulosity and petty
suspicion toward every movement of the heart. Once one sets out upon this path,
one may lose the sense of what is important and what is unimportant and become
entangled in trifles. In such cases, one must temporarily cease examining one’s
soul and clarify it through prayer and good works.
Preparation for confession does
not consist in recalling one’s sins as fully as possible, or even in writing
them down, but in attaining that state of recollection, seriousness, and prayer
in which, as though in the light, our sins become clearly visible. The penitent
should bring to the spiritual father not a list of sins, but a feeling of
repentance; not a detailed account of his life, but a contrite heart.
To know one’s sins does not yet
mean to repent of them. It is true that the Lord accepts a confession that is
sincere and conscientious, even when it is not accompanied by a strong feeling
of contrition, provided that we confess this very sin—petrified insensibility—courageously
and openly, without hypocrisy. And yet contrition of heart and sorrow for one’s
sins are the most important things we can bring to confession. But what are we
to do if our heart, scorched by the flame of sin, is not watered by the life-giving
waters of tears? What if “spiritual infirmity and the weakness of the flesh”
are so great that we are incapable of sincere repentance? Even so, this is no
reason to postpone confession while waiting for a feeling of repentance. God
may touch our heart during confession itself: the very act of confessing, of
naming our sins aloud, may soften our heart, refine our spiritual sight, and
intensify our feeling of repentance. Above all, prayerful preparation for
confession and fasting help us overcome our spiritual sluggishness. By
weakening our body, fasting disrupts the bodily comfort and complacency that
are ruinous to the spiritual life. Yet fasting in itself only prepares and
loosens the soil of our heart, which will then be able to absorb prayer, the
word of God, the Lives of the Saints, and the writings of the Holy Fathers; and
this, in turn, will lead to a more intense struggle against our sinful nature
and move us actively to do good to those close to us.
Our insensibility at confession
is rooted, for the most part, in our lack of the fear of God. It is toward this
that our efforts must be directed. Therefore, it is very beneficial to read and
reflect upon death, the Dread Judgment, the grievous state of sinners in hell,
the fleeting nature of this life, and the boundless magnitude of eternity.
One should not wait to be
questioned at confession, but must make the effort oneself, for confession is
an ascetic struggle and an act of self-compulsion. One must speak precisely,
without obscuring the ugliness of sin by means of general expressions. It is
quite difficult, but necessary, when confessing, to avoid the temptation of
self-justification; to renounce attempts to explain “mitigating circumstances”
to the spiritual father; and to refrain from referring to others who supposedly
led one into sin. All these are signs of self-love, of the absence of profound
repentance, and of continuing to wallow in sin. Sometimes people refer to a
weak memory, which supposedly prevents them from recalling all their sins. And
indeed, it often happens that we easily and quickly forget our falls into sin.
But is this due only to a weak memory? For example, we remember for many years
those occasions when our self-love was especially painfully wounded, when we
were undeservedly offended; or, conversely, everything that flatters our
vainglory—successes, good deeds, praise, and expressions of gratitude.
Everything in our worldly life that makes a strong impression upon us we
remember clearly and for a long time. Is it not because we attach no serious
importance to our sins that we forget them?
At confession people often say:
We have already confessed a certain sin, yet we continue to be troubled by fear
because of its gravity—that it will not be forgiven us—and we simply cannot
forget it. What, then? Should we repeat it at confession or not? At confession,
say everything that troubles you, everything that pains you; therefore, do not
be ashamed to speak once again of your former sins. This is good; it will
testify that you continually bear a sense of your own wretchedness and overcome
all shame at revealing your sinful wounds.
Some are afraid and seem not to
believe that their sins can be forgiven, and this fear sometimes assumes a
morbid form. This feeling of fear rests either upon a lack of faith, hope, and
love for the merciful Lord, or upon the frequent repetition of sins. Strive not
to sin, and then, with God’s help, your anxiety that the Lord will not forgive
you will also diminish. Do not dare to think that your sins are so great that
it is not even worth repenting. Who receives our repentance? Who heals our
sinful wounds? Almighty God. Take note: Almighty! The Almighty Physician! And
as such, He makes forgiveness possible for even the gravest of all sins.
There are so-called unconfessed
sins with which many people live for many years, perhaps even for their entire
lives. They continually desire to reveal them to their spiritual father, but
are too ashamed to speak of them, and thus year after year passes. Meanwhile,
these sins constantly burden the soul and prepare it for eternal condemnation.
Oh, how greatly one must fear unrepented sins! Our life, according to the
Apostle, is as a vapor (James 4:14)—today we are alive, and tomorrow our
departure may be at hand. Where, then, shall we conceal our sins there? We
should be ashamed of sin, not of repentance. Repentance is a victory over
oneself; it is a trophy of victory, so that one who has repented is worthy of
every respect and honor.
The sign of perfect repentance is
a feeling of lightness, purity, and ineffable joy, when sin seems as difficult
and impossible as this joy had previously seemed distant.
Repentance will not be complete
unless, in repenting, a person becomes inwardly confirmed in the resolve not to
return to the same sin. But you may say: “How can I promise that I will not
repeat the sin? Would it not be more correct to think that, most likely, the
sin will be repeated because of our infirmity? After all, everyone knows from
experience that after some time one inevitably returns to the same sins, and
often, from year to year, no improvement is noticeable.” But in reality this is
not so! There is no instance in which sincere repentance, a good desire to
amend oneself, and Holy Communion received with faith have failed to produce
beneficial changes in the soul. It is also difficult for a person to judge his
own condition. Increasing demands upon oneself, greater strictness, and
increasingly acute spiritual vision often create the impression that one’s sins
have become more numerous and have grown stronger. The believer begins to think
that he has become even more sinful and that his maladies have worsened; but in
reality, much has already improved and much evil has been cast aside, while in
its place things previously unnoticed have been revealed, and the struggle must
continue with no less intensity.
Often the Lord, in His special
Providence, conceals our progress from our eyes in order to preserve us from
vainglory and pride. Conversely, lest we fall into despondency and fail to
resolve to begin the struggle against sin, the Lord does not permit us immediately
to see the full extent of our fall into sin, which is exceedingly dreadful, but
opens our eyes gradually as we make progress. A sin may remain for a long time,
but frequent confession and Communion of the Holy Mysteries have already
loosened and weakened its roots. And is not the very struggle against sin, the
suffering caused by sin, itself an acquisition?! “Do not be afraid—even if you
fall every day and stray from the ways of God, stand courageously, and the
Angel who guards you will honor your patience,” says Saint John Climacus.
And even if there is no such
feeling of relief and renewal, one must have the strength to return to
confession, to free one’s soul completely from impurity, courageously to bring
forth all its deformities and every defilement—without concealment, without
embellishment—and to cleanse it of blackness and filth. One who strives for
this will always make progress!
Only let us not attribute our
progress to ourselves, rely upon our own strength, or place our hope in our own
abilities. By doing so, we may destroy everything we have acquired.
“Yea, O Lord and King, grant me
to see my own transgressions…”; “O Lord, grant me the thought of confessing my
sins…”; “Gather my scattered mind, O Lord, and cleanse my frozen heart; as unto
Peter, grant me repentance; as unto the publican, sighing; and as unto the
harlot, tears.”
Amen.
Russian source:
https://azbyka.ru/otechnik/Lazar_Abashidze/greh-i-pokajanie-poslednih-vremen/3