Self-esteem that harms the soul

St. Theophan the Recluse

 

Watch over yourself. Progress in the spiritual life is marked by an ever-increasing awareness of our worthlessness. And the more our self-esteem grows in any matter, the more we move toward destruction. The enemy will take advantage of this. He will draw near and attempt to throw a small stone in our path to make us stumble. A soul that ascribes worth to itself is like Aesop’s crow who, upon hearing the fox’s flatteries about his “beautiful” voice, opened his mouth—and dropped the cheese.

How useful it would be if someone were to accuse you. Rejoice if this ever happens. It is very dangerous for everyone to praise you and for no one to tell you the truth. Do you think it is difficult for someone to be led astray or to stumble? Are you far from considering yourself a saint and worthy to advise others?

In Kiev, there once lived an ascetic who practiced much fasting and seclusion. However, he was attacked by pride and other passions. So he went and confessed his thoughts to the blessed elder Parthenius. The elder gave him money and sent him to the market, saying: “Buy meat and eat it in front of others.” The ascetic followed the elder’s advice, and all his temptations left him. This is how the Fathers fought against pride. Frequently examine yourself in this regard as well. For it is no small calamity… They say that pride is a thief who is inside the house. He often conspires with the external thieves, opens doors and windows for them, and they come in and snatch every treasure.

Struggle so that, while associating with others and attending to worldly affairs, you also think of God and have the awareness that He is near you and is directing you according to His holy will. In this way, your inner work will not be scattered. Distraction is the devil’s first success. His second success is the attachment of the heart to something earthly and the captivity of the feelings and thoughts to it. This is an even worse success of the enemy. Strive to free yourself from every captivity of the heart and from every scattering of your inner work. The method is one: let your attention not stray from the Lord and the awareness of His presence. Excesses never lead to good. The first step toward pride is vainglory, that is, the belief that I am something. The second is conceit, the sense that not only am I something, but something important before God and men. From vainglory and conceit are born a multitude of proud thoughts, detestable to God. Self-knowledge and the experience of our nothingness can help here. Let us often bring to mind the faults of the past and condemn ourselves for them.

Most honorable Protopresbyter, I thank you greatly for your precious teaching—simple and profound, concise and complete, full and unadorned. May the Lord bless your pastoral labors in all their breadth. You have been granted the grace not only to teach but also to practice. May the Lord strengthen you to serve the Christian brethren fruitfully.

You are on duty. For me, the time has come to lay down my arms. You are the good shepherd; I am the chief shepherd who is useless. Because of my sins, I have grown weak physically and even more spiritually. Behind me nothing good is seen; before me nothing worthy is hoped for. Only this remains: “God, be merciful to me, the sinner.”

May the Lord be pleased that even this cry might come forth from the heart.

Cultivate within yourself the fear of God and reverence before His indescribable majesty. Have a heart that is contrite and humbled. Consider everyone to be above you. Love silence, solitude, and conversation with the Lord, who will become your guide and teacher. Holy tears are a manifestation of divine mercy and a safeguard during spiritual dryness and the hardening of feelings. Do not disdain them and do not reject them. Sinful tears provoke conceit, love display, and quickly pass away. When pride draws near to you, drive it away and place in its stead humble-mindedness and contrition.

There is no need for me to repeat that our impregnable fortress is humility. It is difficult for one to acquire it. A person may consider himself humble and yet not possess a trace of it. The most correct—or the only—path to humility is obedience and the renunciation of one’s own will. Without these, it is possible for one to develop within a diabolical pride, despite an outwardly humble demeanor and expressions of humility. So stand still and ask yourself whether you have obedience and renunciation of your own will.

Strive to acquire humility. Humility is the fragrance of Christ and the garment of Christ. For its sake, God will forgive everything. He will not examine the shortcomings our struggle had. Whereas without humility, no ascetic effort can help us. With humble-mindedness, a person can be saved. But without this ticket, he will not be permitted to enter paradise, which is filled with the humble.

Humility must form the background of your life, as it must for anyone who sincerely lives the life in Christ.

Struggle against yourself with all your strength, and God will help you. Set as your goal to acquire “a broken spirit,” “a broken and humbled heart” (Ps. 50:19). When these are present, it means you are in a good state. Then you have the covering and help of God. Then your attention to God is steadfast, and your remembrance of Him unceasing.

Strive to struggle against the irascibility of your character. This passion manifests itself when someone acts contrary to your will, desire, or command. But as long as pride lives within you, you will achieve nothing. It governs everything. If you can, cast it out beyond the threshold of your house and forbid it ever to appear again. Think of the omnipresence of God, as well as the hour of death. The remembrance of God and of death are the best teachers for the healing of the passions.

May the Lord preserve for you always the gift of tears. They soften the heart and grant compunction. However, you must hide them. For pride circles around them, as a dog around food.

 

Source: Ἀπάνθισμα Ἐπιστολῶν [Anthology of Letters], Holy Monastery of the Paraclete, Oropos, Greece.