In the Father’s Embrace: From the Diary of a Monk

By Hieromartyr Joseph, Metropolitan of Petrograd (+1937)

 

 

He who does not acquire God here, will not see him in the future life, either. [1] But how do we know whether we are acquiring Him here or not? It is simple. To acquire the Lord does not mean to have only constant contentment, joy and peace in one’s soul. Rather, it means to grieve over each of our faults and shortcomings. This precisely is the sign that we possess the Lord, when we do not feel calmly indifferent to our shortcomings, but grieve over them. If we did not love the Lord, if He were not dear to our hearts, then we would sin calmly, no fault of ours would torment us, we would see nothing bad in ourselves, and nothing of this sort would grieve us. True, it is very sad to have and to acknowledge our faults and our shortcomings, our wretchedness. But this sorrow is unto salvation. It is this very sorrow which obtains the Lord for us, Who has mercy on all who sorrow and Who calls, “Come,” all ye who are such, “I will give you rest” (Matt. 11:28).

They say that the Lord is too great to pay attention to such insignificant things as man with his needs, sorrows, and desires. But is it not just the opposite? It is precisely because the Lord is so great, wise and good that it is easy to conceive of Him as caring not only for man, but even for the tiniest microbe. Of course, we cannot fathom this with our meager, insignificant little mind, and we dare to judge concerning the Lord according to our own nothingness and feeblemindedness.

We might live out our entire life without attaining the consciousness that we have drawn near to the Lord. But if only we have had the desire to draw near, and diligent effort according to our ability, it will be well with us. Our goal has been attained. If, according to the word of the Apostle, the Lord is not far even from every one of the heathen (see Acts 17:27), then all the more is He near those who seek Him, and He will not reject him that cometh to Him (John 6:37).

It will be well with us even if we spend all our life here in just seeking and longing. At the conclusion of such a life the Lord will come to us and will all at once give us everything which others have received with labor in installments. And the more we endure, grieve, suffer and are deprived here, the more we will be granted by Him later.

Seek, and you shall find (Matt. 7:7). Seek, even if you seek all your life—strive, try, fall, arise, lose heart, grieve—all with the consciousness that you have before you a goal: Christ the Saviour, His kindness, consolation and love; and He will not fail to reward you a hundredfold for your labor and patience.

Here is how we should think of our sorrows and sufferings: at this time we cannot understand their significance in our lives, their opportuneness, the benefit they bring in our spiritual life. Only when we will be able to look back and see our life in its entirety and completeness will we understand and see that what seemed to us to be so grievous, was actually so important for us. By means of these sorrows the Lord was nurturing our patience, our faith, our love and hope in Him; He was nurturing in us the spirit of prayer, of a compunctionate turning to Him.

The highest good on earth, the wellspring of unfailing consolation and encouragement is to know that we are on the right path, that we are saved by the Lord—not only are we not excluded from the objects of His fatherly care and concern, but we more than anything else are included. He nourishes us and guides us toward Himself through His Mysteries. Here on earth, in our earthly life, we as Christians are like His children. We are surrounded and refreshed by His kindness, His benefactions. Is all this just so that having only briefly enjoyed this kindness here, we should lose it in the future life? O, of course not. Even greater kindnesses and benefactions of His must await us. Now we only gaze with delight at His beauty and goodness, only just slightly lifting the edge of the veil which separates Him from us. But the time will come when this veil will be drawn aside completely, and we will be flooded as with light by His kindness and His grace. Before this hope, what are all our earthly burdens and sorrows? Shadows, illusions, vanity. Our lack of faith, our estrangement from God—that is the main cause and the perpetuator of our faintheartedness and despondency in life.

“That He grant us… a virtuous life…” [2] The prayer for a virtuous life is the cry of a Christian groaning over the domination of sin. A life without virtue—that is our woe, our misfortune, undesirable and yet inescapable. We must entreat the Lord that He would take pity on our misfortune and help us to overcome and eliminate it by the help and power of His grace.

“Make ready, O Zabulon, and exult, O Nephthalim…” [3] These symbolize all that is outcast from God, far from Him and foreign to Him. If the Lord calls even such as these and prepares them for His coming, then will He not all the more come to our hearts, loving Him, thirsting for Him, preparing for Him, even though they are torn away and distanced from Him by the constant assaults of the enemy.

Why is my soul so dejected, so darkened and empty? O Lord, if Thou wert here, my soul would not feel so dead, so lifeless and joyless (see John 11:21). I know that there is good cause for Thee to abandon her, who has abandoned Thee. But, O Compassionate One, is it not of Thee that we now chant, “In the abundance of Thy mercy Thou hast appeared to sinners and publicans, O our Saviour. Where indeed should Thy light have shone, save upon them that sit in darkness?” [4] And so visit also my darkened soul, thirsting for Thine illumination.

Many people incorrectly think that saving one’s own soul is secondary, that one should be more concerned about saving others. No. When your own soul is perishing and you acknowledge it, you must take it in hand first of all, for it too is God’s treasure, and by saving it you are more likely to save others as well. The light of a soul which is saved has the quality of drawing others to salvation as well, more than we can by concerning ourselves first with the salvation of others, and only then with our own.

How and by what means was Zacchaeus saved? The Lord came in simplicity to him, to a great sinner, and Zacchaeus melted: “He stood, and said: Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor, and if I have taken anything from any man by false accusation, I restore it fourfold” (cf. Luke 19:8). The very fact that the Lord visited him softened the heart of the sinner. The Lord did not have any need to speak of the purpose of His coming—to save a sinner. There was no need for Him to argue, “Do this and do that, if you wish to be saved.” The Lord simply came, and His very coming caused Zacchaeus to come to himself and to be reborn as one saved instead of a perishing soul. O compassionate Lord! I would wish to blame Thee for my misfortune of being hardened in sin, negligent, and careless. If only Thou wouldst visit my fallen soul, it would be thoroughly aroused by Thy visitation and would be impetuously changed with regard to its disposition and its fate.

Whence came Zacchaeus’ sudden love for the Lord, faith in Him, readiness to do good, so contrary to his entire former attitude? All this the Lord brought with Him to Zacchaeus. The Treasury of love and consolation came to Zacchaeus, and he, accustomed as he was to correctly valuing precious things and dealing with them, showed us that he was not mistaken and that the Lord was precisely the One Whom Zacchaeus confessed Him to be.

“Thou art my foundation, O Saviour, my refuge and my strength: do Thou make steadfast my shaken heart …” [5] A wonderful hymn. Whose shaken heart will it not make steadfast by its compunctionate quality, its grace-given beauty, warmth and power.

All manner of gossip, quarrels, discord with our neighbors—all this is often the enemy attempting to disrupt our tranquillity, our peaceful and saving work of serving God, to distract us from prayer and labor or struggle. Understand that the enemy is behind all your annoyances, and do not yield to temptation. Stay calm. Say to the Lord, “Lord, Thou seest the truth; do Thou defend me. Help me to stay calm. Let everything turn out to the enemy’s shame, and not result in my embitterment.”

We cause the enemy to rejoice greatly if we respond to his attacks by becoming annoyed, sorrowful, despondent, enfeebled. That is just what he wants to achieve by the mean tricks he plays on us through our neighbors.

“Behold, this Child is set”—the very same One, at one and the same time—“for the fall and rising again” (Luke 2:34)—the fall of some, and the rising again of others. One person says, “Come down from the Cross, and I will believe” (cf. Matt. 27:42). But I say, “O Lord, that is why I believe, that is why I love Thee, that is why I thirst to imitate Thee, precisely because Thou didst not come down from the Cross. Herein is manifest Thy uniquely divine majesty, that having nailed Thyself to the Cross for me, Thou didst stand fast thereon against all temptations and human sophistries, and didst bring to completion Thine awesome deed of wresting me from the captivity of Hades.”

 

NOTES

1. A saying of St. Symeon the New Theologian.

2. From the New Year service.

3. Dismissal Hymn of the Forefeast of Theophany.

4. Troparion from Vespers of Theophany.

5. Heirmos, Eighth Tone, Ode Four.

 

Russian source: http://holmogorov.rossia.org/libr/statyi/iosifpetr.htm

English source: The Faithful Steward, Issue 22, 2005, pp. 1-3.