On Praying for Suicides

By Archpriest Gregory Williams (+2016)

 

 

If one looks at the present-day world in the light of the Sacred Scriptures and the teachings of the holy fathers, a terrible picture unfolds before one’s eyes. We see that, not knowing God, or falling away from Him, all of hapless humanity becomes suicidal, for the soul that does not know God in this life is unable to pass over to Life everlasting. It was the first man—Adam—who became the first suicide. Fashioned an immortal being by the all-good Creator, he cut himself off from God, the Well-spring of immortality. By his offense he slew himself for life in God, for eternity. And even though Adam lived for many more years after his transgression, his was a life subject to corruption, a continual dying and drawing nigh to death, to the gloom of hades.

God recreates everyone who approaches the Mystery of Baptism, returning the grace of the Holy Spirit, begetting unto life everlasting, reuniting with Himself. Each person is given time to choose either life or death.

Life is to be found in Christ, in His Holy Church, in its Mysteries, in the fulfillment of the commandments of God, in communion in prayer with Him. Death consists of being apart from Christ and His Church, of a certain violation of the commandments, in all manner of sins.

The devil is now reaping an abundant harvest. According to the teaching of the Church, the unbaptized and the heterodox, as ones unregenerated by Holy Baptism, follow death into everlasting death; and the same fate will overtake all baptized Orthodox Christians who have died without repentance. Life lived in sins, in thrall to the passions, separates man from God, and he enters into fellowship with Satan. Dying without repentance, without being reconciled with God, the soul passes over to Satan as a thing belonging to him.

Of all the deadly sins, suicide is the most terrible, since for every other sin there is time to repent, and there is no sin that the Lord will not forgive for the one who sincerely repents. But suicide deprives a man of repentance: at the same time as the body is dying, the soul renders itself incompatible with an eternity of blessedness and falls away from God.

But what if a man kills himself to keep one of God’s commandments, for the sake of his soul’s salvation? In such a case the words of the Lord are fulfilled: “He who loseth his life for My sake shall find it” (Mt. 10: 39). Such a man, who out of love for the Lord decides that it is better to die, does not violate the commandment, but truly finds his soul in eternity and is honorable in the sight of the Lord and His Church. Such a suicide does not separate a soul from God, but unites it with Him for all eternity. This means that the crux of the matter lies in the intention, in the disposition of a man’s heart, in whose name a man deprives himself of life. The criminality of suicide lies in the fact that a man rebels against the creative and providential order of the Divine and, to his own detriment, intentionally cuts short his own life, which does not belong to him alone, but to God and his neighbor, and which was given to him to perfect and so as to seek after God. He repudiates all the responsibilities that lie upon him and shows that he is not called to life beyond the grave.

The Apostle Paul tells us that our earthly life belongs to God: “For none of us liveth to himself, and no man dieth to himself…. Whether we live therefore, or die, we are the Lord’s” (Rom. 14: 7, 8).

The suicide also tramples upon the natural law: “No man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it” (Eph. 5: 29).

It is said that not every person is capable of deciding upon this audacious step. Among the heathen suicide is even praised as a heroic feat. In sects dedicated to the works of Satan, those who collaborate with him are obliged to end their lives by suicide, thereby expressing their enmity with God. Suicide is not heroism, but cowardice; for the one who does not desire to bear his own cross in life hopes in this manner to escape it.

But woe to the soul of the suicide! Once it has passed the threshold of death, it is revealed to it how the evil enemy had deceived it; for death is shown to be not a deliverance, but the beginning of true and endless sufferings.

Every suicide is the fruit of the labors of regiments of dark demons and a great triumph for them. “The fallen angels do not cease to vex all human societies and each person individually. There is no evil deed, no crime, of which they are not sponsors and participants” (St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, “Homily on Death”).

Our whole life is a constant war against the fallen evil spirits. Battle is waged against each soul, and the field of battle is the heart of man. A multitude of people perish because they are ignorant of this invisible warfare, since they are weaponless against a mighty and pitiless foe.

Yet we must not despair of our salvation. Over all creatures lie the incomprehensible judgments of the Creator, which guide the whole world toward the good. They are unknown and incomprehensible to us, whose earthly reasoning ability is limited; we can but reverently humble ourselves before our omniscient God, entrusting ourselves to Him. And He, in His great love for us, has given us the weapons with which we will be able, in the Lord, to fend off all the assaults of the adversary until the end of our life. Just what these weapons are we will attempt to show in the following cases.

The account of the servant of God N: “It was the Great Fast, and the first Lent of my life. I fasted strictly. Only once did I break the Fast. When the fast was over, I had an inflated opinion of myself, as though I had accomplished something, and that I no longer had any need to be afraid of Satan. All of this took place after Pascha, during Bright Week. I went to my room and said: ‘Satan, I am no longer afraid of you: I kept the fast.’ (that is, I did it, and all without God’s help). Right after that I began to drink, and not merely to drink, but to drink heavily. One day I returned to my home in the morning, drunk. My parents began to reproach me for being inebriated so early in the day. This I found unbearable. I went into the kitchen, and my hands, as if by themselves, snatched up a knife. And when I drove the knife into myself, I noticed that my hands seemed to be covered with fur (it seemed to be velvety, but was not tangible). The sense was that my hands were being controlled from outside. I lost consciousness. I came to on the operating table.”

The Lord permitted His servant N. this trial because in his arrogance he forgot that without the help of God we are incapable of doing anything good. Yet in His mercy the Lord preserved him from destruction, giving him time to repent and amend his life, and to provide an example for our edification. When he told us of what had happened to him, he humbled his pride and shamed the devil, exposing him. Let us fear puffing ourselves up with pride and, now and ever after, let us call upon the help of God, and for all our successes and accomplishments let us give thanks to the Lord. The first weapon in our warfare is humility.

The second is the sign of the Cross. Suicides are not found wearing crosses. Prior to their act, the enemy inspires them to remove their crosses. He thus gains control over the person who has rejected the Cross, and with it their Savior.

Saint John of Kronstadt writes: “Glory, O Lord, to the power of Thy Cross, which never fails! When the enemy oppresses me with a sinful thought or feeling, and I, lacking freedom in my heart, make the sign of the Cross several times with faith, suddenly my sin falls away from me, the compulsion vanishes, and I find myself free… For the faithful the Cross is a mighty power which delivers from all evils, from the malice of the invisible foe.”

The third weapon is prayer. Here is how prayer saved the handmaid of God L. She was continually being tormented by a voice which urged her to hang herself. She stumbled across some rope which someone had left lying around, and began to consider carrying out the enemy’s suggestion. That night, the evil one cried out: “So, are you going to wait around forever? Go and hang yourself!” She took up all that she had made ready and was ready to leave, when she suddenly remembered that she had forgotten to pray. She prayed with all her soul, and did not notice when dawn broke and others went forth to work. Then she, calmly and serenely, also got up to go to work.

The fourth weapon is repentance. From the life of Elder Hilarion of Optina: “A thirty-five year old merchant from the Bogoroditsky District of the Province of Tula, a sober man, had been suffering for a sickness of soul for more than a year: It seemed to him that certain men whom he did not know were persecuting him and were intent on killing him. These delusions gave him no rest day or night, and several times the thought occurred to him to commit suicide, which terrified his whole family. At the insistence of his mother, I. V. went to the monastery and explained what was happening to him to the Elder Hilarion. The elder several times spoke with him at length and perceived that he had been harboring a secret sin which he had not confessed to the priest, since he doubted that he would be forgiven for it. The elder persuaded him that the sin does not exist that God’s love will not forgive, if it is repented of. In confession the merchant offered up repentance for it, and when he had received absolution, he was admitted to the communion of the Holy Mysteries. At the time of Communion, the elder said to him: ‘Go with God. They will now persecute and bind you no longer.’ And such was indeed the case. I. V. completely recovered from his tormenting ailment.”

With the help of God we avoid the snares of the enemy. But what happens to those who fall into those snares? Is it possible to alter their terrible doom? Must we, who are close friends or relatives, pray for our hapless suicides?

The Church does not pray for them, for they died unreconciled with it, alienated from it. But whom does the Church call a suicide? We find the answer in The Book of the Canons of the Holy Apostles, the Holy Councils & the Holy Fathers, among the canonical answers of the most holy Timothy, Bishop of Alexandria. Question 14: “If someone, having lost his mind, lifts his hand against himself or casts himself from a height, must an offering be made for such a one, or not?” The answer of St. Timothy:

“Concerning such a one, the priest must consider whether [the suicide] might really have done such a thing while out of his mind. For often those who are close to one who has suffered at his own hand, desiring to arrange that an offering and prayer be made for him, act unjustly and say that he was out of his mind. It is possible that he did this because of some human offense or in some other case out of cowardice. For this reason, the priest must assuredly ascertain [the truth] with all care, lest he incur condemnation [for himself].”

This means that, according to the teaching of the Church, only he who kills himself intentionally is properly called a suicide, while those who are out of their minds, the spiritually ill, it rightly does not consider as suicides when it prays. But in each case the priest must decide whether the person killed himself while insane or not; and if he reaches the conclusion that the hapless person was sick in soul, he may offer up prayers in church for his soul and perform the divine Sacrifice. For upon such is the violence of the enemy brought to bear, just as it was on the young man described in the Holy Gospel, who was brought to the Lord by his father to be healed. Here is how that father described the state of his son: “Master, I have brought unto Thee my son, who hath a dumb spirit; and wheresoever he taketh him, he teareth him: and he foameth;… and ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him” (Mk. 9: 18, 22).

But for those of us whose relatives have lifted up their own hands against themselves, we ought not to argue or put anything to the test, but should first of all humble ourselves, and from this state of humility pray for them as the holy fathers teach us.

Saint Theophanes the Recluse says: “The Church does not command [us to pray for suicides]. How then dare its sons and daughters to pray [for them]? What is evident here is an attempt to show that we are more merciful than the Church, than God Himself. It is better to limit ourselves to feeling pity for them, entrusting them to the immortal compassion of God, and praying for them in our private prayers, that He deal with them according to His loving-kindness and according to your faith in that loving-kindness.”

The Optina elders also permitted prayers to be said for suicides within the context of private prayers. The elder Leonid (Leo, in the schema) thus consoled his disciple, P. T., whose father had ended his own life by suicide: “Entrust yourself and the fate of your father to the will of the Lord, which is all-wise and omnipotent. Take care through humble-mindedness to strengthen yourself within the bounds of moderate grief. Pray to the all-good Creator, thereby fulfilling the debt of love and filial duty—in the spirit of the virtuous and wise, thus: ‘O Lord, watch over the perished soul of my father, and if it be possible, have mercy upon him. Thy judgments are unfathomable. Do not consider this my prayer to be a sin, but may Thy holy will be done.’ Pray simply, without testing [God], placing your heart in the right hand of the Most High. It was not, of course, the will of God that your father come to such a bitter end, but now he is totally under the will of the Mighty One, and, soul and body, he is cast into the fiery furnace, which humbles and exalts, kills and gives life, brings down into hades and raises up [therefrom]. Furthermore, He is so kind, omnipotent and overflowing with love, that the good qualities of all mortals are nothing compared to His most exalted goodness. For this reason, you must not grieve beyond measure. You say: ‘I love my father, which is why I am sorrowing inconsolably.’ But God, incomparably more than you do, loved and loves him. It is therefore necessary for you to leave the eternal fate of your father to the goodness and loving-kindness of God. And if He deigns to have mercy, who will gainsay Him?”

Saint Ambrose also approved of such a prayer, and said that he knew of many instances when it consoled and calmed many and turned out to be effective in the sight of the Lord.

The great ascetic Schema-nun Athanasia, on the advice of Pelagia Ivanovna the Blessed, of Diveyevo, three times fasted and prayed for forty days, reciting “Rejoice, O Virgin Theotokos…” one hundred and fifty times a day for her own brother, who had hanged himself while drunk; and she received a revelation that through her supplications her brother was freed from torments.

Thus, in general, every feat of prayer performed in the memory of the living or the dead is pleasing to the Lord and brings a certain benefit, not only to those in whose memory this is done, but also to those who perform it. “For he who makes offering for the dead comes to share in their reward, as one who shows love for the salvation of his neighbor, just as one who pours forth sweet-smelling ointment upon another is the first to receive the fragrance thereof.”

There might first of all be a desire to do something for the sake of those whom one loves; there might be zeal for prayer, and humility and obedience to the Holy Church. Then, and without violating its rules, the ways and means will be found to pour out our love for the dead in prayer for them. The commemoration of suicides, in humility and obedience to the Church, which is transferred to our private prayers, will be more valuable in the eyes of God and more heartening for them than that which is performed in church, but in violation and disregard of the rules of the Church.

Particular attention must be paid to the giving of alms in their memory. The Optina elders commanded that alms be offered in memory of suicides. Alms may lie not only in tangible and monetary aid, but also in prayerful, oral and active aid, in taking care of the sick and children, in visiting, comforting and helping the sorrowful and sick, in caring for irrational creatures—in the words of many divinely enlightened people, it is very heartening to the souls of the departed when birds are fed for their sake.

The handmaid of God T. had a dream in which her father, who had shot himself to death while drunk, appeared to her as though beyond a pane of glass, terrible in his appearance, his hair matted, covered with scabs. She wanted to pray, and with great effort raised her hand and made the sign of the cross over herself. Her father also lifted up his hand, but was unable to make the sign of the Cross. Then she crossed herself a second time, and her father was able more freely to raise his hand, and the matted hair and scabs began to fall from his face. When she crossed herself a third time, he was also able to cross himself with her, and suddenly his countenance cleared up entirely, and his face shone with light.

By this dream the most merciful Lord comforted the handmaid of God T. and all of us, showing how great the power of prayer is. Let us commit ourselves and all our relatives to the most perfect and good will of God, and let us strive diligently and with feelings of love for them to pray and do every good work for their sake.

The Elder Nectarius, and also Metropolitan Gregory of Novgorod & Petrograd, permitted prayers to be offered up for suicides in the context of a private prayer rule, but only when those praying had first entreated mercy in case they were angering the Lord. The Elder Nectarius blessed Metropolitan Benjamin to find two other men with whom to read for a suicide a canon for the departed every day for forty days, and afterwards to commit his or her soul to the will of God. This canon, compiled by Metropolitan Benjamin from the canons for the departed in the Octoechos, here follows. One should read it, as has been stated above, with humility and the fear of God, and having first obtained the blessing of one’s spiritual father.

 

Canon of Prayer for Those Who of Their Own Will Have Ended Their Own Life:

https://orthodoxmiscellany.blogspot.com/2025/03/canon-of-prayer-for-those-who-have.html