Some Basic Rules for a Proper Confession

Source: Πῶς θά σωθοῦμε [How We Shall Be Saved], published by the Holy Monastery of Parakletos, Oropos, Attica.

 

1) You must confess “all your sins, exactly as they occurred. You shall hide nothing, you shall alter nothing, you shall not place any blame whatsoever upon another for your own falls. Also, you shall not be content with a dry, ‘catalog-style’ enumeration of sins, but you shall also give a general presentation of your spiritual condition, of your passions and inclinations, of your faults and weaknesses, so that the spiritual father, as a physician of souls, may form a comprehensive image of your illness and help you effectively in its healing.”

If you deliberately hide (not because you forgot) some sin or even a single sin, out of shame, you remain unforgiven even for the others that you confessed. The story is well known of the spiritual father who saw the snakes (demons–passions) coming out of the mouth of the one confessing. But when the penitent hid one sin out of shame, the snake corresponding to the unconfessed sin not only did not come out, but all the other snakes (demons–passions) that had come out re-entered the wretched and incompletely confessed man.

2) The manner in which you describe your sins must be especially careful, so as to combine precision, brevity, clarity, and modesty. That is, you shall briefly and without many words mention the circumstances and specific elements of each sin — the where, the how, the when, etc. — so that the spiritual father may understand its weight. On the other hand, you must avoid detailed and verbose narrations, which are tiresome and at times even scandalous. They may also conceal a tendency toward seeking human approval and self-justification before the Spiritual Father. These pointless details benefit neither you nor the Spiritual Father. Let it be especially noted that, if you sinned together with another or other persons (e.g., you committed a theft with some of your friends or fell into a carnal sin with someone), it is better not to reveal their identity. Repent yourself for your own sin, and leave them to the judgment and mercy of the Lord.

A proper confession has the following ten characteristics:

1. It is brief yet comprehensive, meaning it is done without omissions, but also without superfluous words, empty talk, tautologies, digressions, or even fabrications. In advance, we must have in mind what we are going to say (or have it written down on a small piece of paper) and not attempt at that moment to recall or discover our sins.

2. It is humble, meaning it is made with a sense of sinfulness and guilt, a sense that is reflected in the words and the entire appearance and demeanor of the Christian. It is not proper, for example, for someone to sit cross-legged or to answer their mobile phone during confession. Especially regarding the mobile phone, one must have already taken care in advance that it is on silent mode or completely turned off.

3. It is sincere, meaning it contains nothing less and nothing more than the pure truth, without excuses, without justifications, without placing blame not only on other people, but not even on the devil himself!

4. It is immediate, meaning it is done without delay. As soon as your conscience reproves you for some sin, you must run to the spiritual father to confess it, because you do not know at what moment death will visit you unexpectedly.

5. It is discreet, meaning it is marked by sound judgment, right-mindedness, and prudence, as well as by expression that is clear, careful, and orderly.

6. It is complete, meaning it includes all sins; nothing should be omitted in order to be said to another spiritual father.

7. It is like that of the publican, meaning it is made with deep reverence and contrition, with a holy shame, like that of the publican in the Gospel parable, who did not dare even to lift his eyes to heaven, but struck his breast and said: “God, be merciful to me, a sinner” (Luke 18:13).

8. It is secret, meaning that apart from the priest–spiritual father and the confessing Christian, no one else knows or is permitted to know the content of the confession. The confidentiality of confession applies not only to the priest–spiritual father but also to the one confessing. If someone — which is extremely unlikely and, practically speaking, almost impossible — hears another’s confession, he is obliged never to reveal it to anyone, but to take with him to the grave whatever he heard. All the more, the Spiritual Father may not under any circumstance disclose sins confessed to him, even if it were to cost him his life.

9. It is the beginning of a new life. Along with confession, you make a firm decision to struggle conscientiously so that not only will you not repeat the sins you confessed, but also that you will make amends, if this is practically possible, for whatever wrong you have done (e.g., to compensate the one you wronged, to return something you stole, to ask forgiveness from the one you insulted, etc.). Otherwise, your repentance is not genuine.

10. Finally, it is accompanied by a willing acceptance of the penance or rule that the spiritual father may assign you (fasting, almsgiving, or anything else he deems suitable), which is not a “punishment” or “penalty,” but a therapeutic and pedagogical means, aimed at your spiritual support and healing.

 

Greek source:

https://imlp.gr/2025/09/25/%ce%bc%ce%b5%cf%81%ce%b9%ce%ba%ce%bf%ce%af-%ce%b2%ce%b1%cf%83%ce%b9%ce%ba%ce%bf%ce%af-%ce%ba%ce%b1%ce%bd%cf%8c%ce%bd%ce%b5%cf%82-%ce%b3%ce%b9%ce%ac-%ce%bc%ce%b9%ce%ac-%cf%83%cf%89%cf%83%cf%84%ce%ae/