Friday, November 21, 2025

Why must we forgive even when they do not ask us for forgiveness? – Saint Seraphim of Sarov


St. Seraphim of Sarov

 

Forgiveness in Orthodox life is not a simple act of magnanimity, nor an emotional impulse that depends on whether the other person acknowledges their fault. It is, above all, a mystery of the heart. An invitation from God to man to pass from darkness into light, from the prison of thoughts into the freedom of the spirit. Saint Seraphim of Sarov emphasized that the peace of the soul is an invaluable treasure, and that every movement that unites us with grace has the power to bring light not only within us, but also to the world around us. Forgiveness is not the liberation of the other, it is our own liberation. It is not the justification of injustice; it is the healing of the wound. It is not a denial of pain; it is a confession that pain is not the final word. The soul that forgives, even when the other remains unrepentant, becomes a vessel of divine peace. Where it was struck and bled, there precisely a space opens for grace.

Why, then, should one forgive when not even a word of apology is heard? Why offer something the other does not ask for? The answer is not found in the other, but within us. Man has been created in the image of God, and God causes His sun to rise upon the evil and the good; He does not wait for us to ask forgiveness in order to grant us life. His love precedes our repentance. Forgiveness, therefore, is not imitation of man—it is imitation of God. When the soul holds on to resentment, it freezes, it hardens. It shuts the pores of the heart, which are made to breathe grace. It is like a man holding a burning coal to throw it at another, but in the meantime the coal burns his own hands. Saint Seraphim, with the gentleness that characterized him, used to say that anger drives away the presence of the Holy Spirit from the heart. And without that presence, there is no joy, no light, no consolation.

Forgiveness, as understood by the Church, is not a feeling—it is a decision and an ascetic practice. It is the conscious movement of the heart to abandon the thought of self-justification and to place humility in its stead. It does not mean that we forget, it does not mean that we excuse, it does not mean that we allow injustice to continue. It means that we remove the sin of the other from our heart so that it does not become our own burden. Saint Seraphim taught that a person’s peace is a candle that gives light. If the candle is extinguished by anger, jealousy, or injustice, then not only do we remain in darkness, but also those around us lose a source of light that God has given them. Forgiveness, then, is a ministry both to ourselves and to the world.

But there is a deeper dimension. Many times, the other person does not ask for forgiveness—not because they do not want to, but because they cannot. Their heart is wounded, confused, darkened. They have not yet reached the point where they can clearly see their fault. The fall saturates one’s vision with confusion. They may have grown up in such a way that they never learned what repentance means. They may be bound by passions, pride, fear. When this becomes a way of life, it leaves no room for self-reproach. This is why Christ on the Cross did not wait for those who crucified Him to ask for forgiveness. He prayed for them, saying that they did not know what they were doing. Ignorance does not justify the act, but it explains the depth of their delusion. When we forgive someone who does not ask for forgiveness, we often imitate this stance. We see behind the sin the person who is ignorant, who is unable, who is struggling in darkness. Forgiveness then becomes a prayer for enlightenment and healing.

Forgiveness does not concern only others; it also concerns how we see ourselves. Many times, we struggle to forgive not because we desire justice, but because pride dominates within us. He offended me, he wronged me, he belittled me. The ego becomes the center of our existence. The ego demands rebellion. Saint Nektarios said that the most subtle form of pride is our wounded speech—pretending to seek justice, while in truth we seek vindication. When we allow ourselves to be saturated with such thoughts, we become enslaved. But humility breaks the chains. It moves us from demand to freedom, from bitterness to peace, from pain to light. Forgiveness does not oppose the justice of God—it opposes our own hardness of heart. The heart that forgives becomes a place where the Holy Spirit finds rest. Saint Seraphim taught that the Christian must strive to acquire the Holy Spirit, because then everything within him is transformed. And forgiveness is among the first gifts that spring up where grace dwells. The heart cannot be full of light and at the same time hold a dark corner for any person. Light does not compromise with resentment. When we hand over the injustice to God, when we give space to divine justice and do not demand punishment or validation for ourselves, then the soul is set free. It is no longer hooked onto the past. Memory no longer devours its own flesh. Man becomes light, agile, full of peace—and then he can pray with a clear mind and goodness for all, even for those who caused him pain. Yet there is something more. Forgiveness opens the path for the miracles of the heart. How many times has change occurred in people's lives simply because someone forgave them even though they did not deserve it? How many times has a person who remained hardened been moved by another’s magnanimity and repented? God works through these silent movements of love. Forgiveness often becomes the first step for someone to encounter the light. Even if we never see any result, forgiveness is never wasted. It is not an act of social courtesy—it is a spiritual act, and every such act is inscribed in the heart of the one who receives it, even if they do not realize it at the time. When we do not forgive, we are, in fact, dependent on the other. We carry their existence within us in a negative way. We become slaves to the memory of the injustice. Forgiveness is the rupture of this bondage. It is the declaration that our heart is not ruled by the words of men, but by the peace of God. Saint Seraphim, with his radiant gentleness, often said that whoever keeps peace within becomes like a still lake in which the heavens are clearly reflected. If the lake is disturbed by winds of anger, resentment, and bitterness, then one can see nothing in its depths, and on its surface, there is only murkiness and darkness. Forgiveness restores serenity. To forgive without being asked for forgiveness is perhaps the most silent form of love. It has no cries, no triumphs, no explanations. It is a secret act seen only by God. And yet, this act has the power to change the world within us and around us.

The person who forgives becomes a bearer of peace. His heart becomes prayer. His life becomes testimony. When we forgive, we enter into an inner state that surpasses the limits of human reasoning. We no longer calculate who was right and who was wrong. We consider what the will of God is—and His will is clear: to love, to show mercy, to be peacemakers. What Saint Seraphim of Sarov saw and lived is neither small nor simple. It is the transcendence of the ego, the experience of divine peace, the path of healing and rebirth.

Whoever forgives becomes a partaker in the grace of God, because forgiveness is not a human invention—it is a divine gift. And when we offer it, even if the other does not have the strength to ask for forgiveness, then we too become light in a world that is in pain. We become a witness of love that knows no bounds. We become those who open paths of peace where everything seems closed.

Forgiveness is the way by which the heart keeps heaven open. And where heaven remains open, there grace descends, there God finds rest, there the soul breathes.

 

Greek source: https://entoytwnika1.blogspot.com/2025/11/blog-post_21.html

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Why must we forgive even when they do not ask us for forgiveness? – Saint Seraphim of Sarov

  Forgiveness in Orthodox life is not a simple act of magnanimity, nor an emotional impulse that depends on whether the other person a...