A "Share" in the Priesthood: A Word About the Role of Orthodox Clergy Wives

by Presbytera Juliana Cownie

 

 

"Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things."

(I Timothy 3:11)

 

The love that a woman bears for her husband can be of two kinds. When centered in selfishness and shrouded in terms of deluded affection, it can drag at every fiber of a man's being, until his spirit is weighed down and drowned by his wife's demands. When it is a true love, that is, centered in Godliness and selflessness, a woman's love can sustain a husband through the darkest night of the soul. For the clergy wife—the Presbytera (Pres-vee-te-ra) or Matushka (Μά-tush-ka) and Diakonissa (the-a-ko-ni-sa)—, this effect is amplified in the people whom the Priest or Deacon touches. The spiritual welfare of such people is not, then, just in the hands of the clergyman, but in those of his wife, as well.

How can the wife of a traditionalist Orthodox clergyman aid her husband? First of all, simply by helping him to be traditional, she renders him powerful assistance. Married clergy who must work in the world are subject to incessant ridicule, if they adhere to Holy Tradition in regard to their personal attire and appearance. Long hair, an untrimmed beard, a rason (cassock)—the composite image of an Orthodox Priest is such an unfamiliar one to the average American that it often evokes hostility or, at the very least, amusement. Rude, silly questions and stares must be fielded daily. For the newly Ordained clergyman especially, these situations rub salt into the raw sore of his stark awareness that he is now different—truly different—from his fellow man. He realizes abruptly that he has lost forever the comfortable option of being just another face in the crowd. His Priesthood is an enduring reality and, unless he abandons it, he must accept the burden of his unique office.

But he need not accept this burden alone. A Priest's wife must be ready to help shoulder his burdens, just as he is prepared to help shoulder hers. Therefore, she must never discourage him, as the world does, from following the precepts and traditions of the Faith. Statements to the effect that she is publicly embarrassed by his appearance or that she feels he is foolishly risking advancement or promotion in his secular job because of his traditional attire—these things can be the straws that eventually break the backbone of a Priest's resolve to withstand the tide of opinion. And, should he, because of wife's resistance, buckle or fall, not only will his soul be imperiled, but hers as well.

In the parish, not only must the Presbytera or Diakonissa be her husband's unfailing support, but his example, his best witness to the virtues of traditional Orthodox piety. She should be the first in Church any time that her husband serves, and she and their children should set the standard by which the conduct of the other parishioners is measured. When the clergy wife steps into the Church, it should be evident to all that her focus is on the Mysteries which are ever present in the Altar, that she is entering into the Presence of the Kings of kings. It should be immediately apparent that she is training her children to emulate her awe and respect for God and His House.

By coming in late, chatting with this one or that, permitting her children to interrupt the services with loud or boisterous behaviors, a Priest's wife sets a wrong tone. These careless transgressions of proper Church behavior will encourage others to treat the Church like a social hall, a place where they casually drop in to honor God with their presence. In such circumstances, the services, even if the clergy are doing their best to conduct them in a pious and proper way, will assume, in the eyes of the congregation, all of the significance of a puppet show. And, indeed, if the Priest or Deacon cannot correct impious and disrespectful behavior in his own family, he will be unable to teach Orthodox piety to his parish in an effective way. A clergyman must be "one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity; for if a man know not how to rule his own house, how shall he take care of the Church of God?" (I Timothy 3:4-5).

Finally, and most importantly, is the matter of that amplification of love which I mentioned earlier. As the clergy wife's heart is towards her husband, both as a man and as a Priest, so will the parishioners' hearts both reflect and amplify her feelings. If she speaks to him with love and respect—calling him "Father" at all times, kissing his hand, asking for his blessing, acting in good obedience to his proper guidance, and showing charity with regard to his faults—, then the Faithful will imitate her good example and embrace him as a good pastor. But should a Priest's wife order him around as though he were a child, insist on having her own way, and defile her husband's Priesthood, she should not be surprised to see the sheep scatter, trusting in their own counsel rather than that of a shepherd obviously more witless than they.

Presbytera, Matushka, Diakonissa—honorable titles, all; and great is the responsibility invested in those who bear them, the wives of men so close to God's Holy Mysteries. A married Priesthood, like marriage itself, is greater than the sum of two individuals. Just as the wife of a Priest shares in that Priesthood, and in the honor that comes from it, so she shares in her husband's life of service to God and to His Church. She approaches both the Chalice and, ultimately, the dread Judgment Seat as the handmaiden of God. In preparation for approaching both, she must ceaselessly ask herself whether her share of this Priesthood is one which enhances and sustains her husband's witness, rendering the sum of their two souls an infinite source of opportunities for God to work through them.

At the time of my husband's Ordination to the Priesthood, we were blessed by a visit to California from Metropolitan Cyprian. At a luncheon which His Eminence hosted for the married clergy of our Exarchate and their wives, he summed up what I have said about the extreme importance of the role of the Presbytera and Diakonissa in her husband's Priesthood. I will use his wise words to conclude my comments:

"With regard to a Presbytera, let me say this. I have known many gifted and virtuous men who, because of an uncooperative wife, were nothing more than mediocre Priests. By the same token, I have known successful and tireless Priests who, though they were not particularly gifted or virtuous or distinguished by any special traits themselves, nonetheless shined forth as brilliant examples of good pastors because of the virtues and gifts of their wives."

 

Source: Orthodox Tradition, Vol. XIII (1996), No. 1, pp. 7-9.