Spiritual Conversations of St. Herman (Gomzin), Schema-Abbot of Zosima Hermitage (+1923)

As recorded by Metropolitan Benjamin (Fedchenkov) of Saratov

 

 

First Conversation

Question. Batiushka, tell us something for the benefit of the soul.

Answer. What can I say? When I entered the monastery, I always felt my own unworthiness: I am a pitiful, insignificant man, and I can do nothing of myself, nothing! And this feeling must be preserved and kept within oneself — this is the chief thing in the monastery, and in the world as well.

One must remember the Savior’s commandment: …learn of Me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls (Matt. 11:29). And one must also have patience in obedience. Have you read the Life of Paul the Simple — he was a disciple of Anthony the Great? You absolutely must buy this book for yourselves: there is much edifying material there. So then, when he came to Venerable Anthony, he knocked at the door of his cell and asked to be received among the brethren, but Anthony looked at him and said:

“Such as you we do not need: you are too old; you cannot do anything.”

He was sixty-two years old. Paul the Simple long entreated him, saying that he would fulfill everything, but Saint Anthony drove him away from himself and shut himself in his cell. For three days and three nights Paul the Simple stood by the venerable one’s cell; on the fourth day the venerable one opened the door and saw him, thin and exhausted, and asked:

“Are you still here?”

And he answered him: “Here I shall die, holy father, if you do not receive me.”

And the elder received him. He ordered him to sew his own clothing. No sooner had he finished it with difficulty than Venerable Anthony ordered him to rip it all apart and then sew it again from the beginning. For someone who does not understand would think: “What a fool he is! What is this? To sew it, rip it apart, and sew it again?” But Paul the Simple humbly fulfilled all this for the benefit of his soul.

You must by all means read his life. But as for me, I have become proud! For I imagine about myself that I can both instruct and teach, just as I am now holding forth to you. You might perhaps think that I too am some sort of practitioner! But I have only heard all this, that others do such things; while I myself have done nothing, and have not even begun to do anything.

And humble-mindedness is a great thing, and an endless depth.

The Holy Fathers compare it and say that, just as precious pearls are brought up from the depth of the sea, so also from the depth of humble-mindedness the most precious spiritual pearls are obtained…

Second Conversation

Do not dream about the monastery and life in it: in all things let the will of God be done. Here I have lived my whole life in the monastery, and I have learned nothing. An unworthy abbot! Soon I shall stand before the face of God; and with what I shall stand before Him, I do not know. I have nothing except sins.

Be sure to say the Jesus Prayer: the name of Jesus must be constantly with us in our heart, mind, and on our tongue: whether you are standing, lying down, sitting, walking, at meals — always, always repeat the Jesus Prayer. This is very consoling! Without it one cannot manage. For the Jesus Prayer can also be said more briefly: the Holy Fathers advise this for beginners. This will be more beneficial and stronger. Remember the six words: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner.” Repeat it more slowly: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me, a sinner” — and still more slowly: “Lord — Jesus — Christ, — have mercy on me, — a sinner.” That is good! Learn self-reproach: without it one cannot manage. Here I have lived in the monastery for fifty years, I am seventy-six years old, blind, barely able to move my feet; and the Lord has mercy on me only because I see my sins: my laziness, my negligence, my pride; and I constantly reproach myself for them — and so the Lord helps my infirmity.

Third Conversation

What is now going on all around us?! It is difficult for you to live amid such a corrupt world. Everyone asks me: “Is this the end of the world?” What can we answer to this? The Savior said: Of that day and hour knoweth no man, no, not the angels of heaven; but My Father only (Matt. 24:36). I think that this is not yet the end! But the heart of God is now near to us. The Lord will not be angry unto the end. He mercifully preserves our monastery under the protection of the Mother of God. And again, there will be peace and quiet. The Lord will have mercy on us for our faith — after all, many still believe, and many still pray in Rus’.

Prayer is the most important thing in life. If you feel laziness, negligence, as you say, what can be done? Such is man! But pray to God with full attention; simply, like children, say the words of the prayer to the Lord Himself: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” The Lord Himself knows that you are sinful. So pray: “Lord Jesus Christ, have mercy on me.” In this way it will be easier, shorter, and better to keep your attention on the words. Pray in this way. May the Lord God strengthen you.

Fourth Conversation

One must love the Lord. For the Lord is good! The Lord shed His Blood for us. For this one must thank the Lord; and, as children their Father, beseech Him to forgive us our sins. Pray standing, or even sitting: for the Lord sees that you are little children, that you have little strength. He will not demand more. Simply speak with the Lord. For He is so near to us. Saint Tikhon of Zadonsk prayed thus: “My nourisher, my dear Father!” See how he called upon the Lord! Enter into each word of the prayer with your mind; if the mind runs away, bring it back again, compel it to be there, while you yourself repeat the words of the prayer with your tongue. Thus it will be good! But leave the heart for now and do not think about it; such prayer is enough for you. The main thing is that the feeling of self-reproach should be unceasing, the feeling of your sinfulness and your having no defense before God. Is this difficult? Say: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner” — and feel what you are saying. You say: “It is frightening.” But can the Sweetest Name of the Lord be frightening? It is full of grace, but one must pronounce it with reverence. Bishop Theophan says: “One must stand before God as a soldier at inspection.” And one must reproach oneself not only for bad deeds. Perhaps you do not have many sinful deeds, but we shall also have to answer for sinful thoughts.

Lay people do not even know what thoughts are; they repent only of deeds; but monks keep all their thoughts before their eyes, repent of sinful thoughts, and reproach themselves for them. One layman was even scandalized by this. Some book was published: in it was written about the thoughts that arise; and the layman said: “So this is what monks occupy themselves with; such is the holiness of their life.” The monks, out of humility, reproached themselves for this; in deeds they did not sin; but the layman did not understand this and was scandalized. But one must watch over thoughts; and the main thing is not to dwell on them, but rather to reproach oneself quickly and pray to God. If one does not reproach oneself and does not feel one’s sinfulness, one can fall into spiritual delusion. Here is one monk — I knew him myself; to this day he sells prosphora in a monastery. This monk, it seems, was still a novice then, and wanted to occupy himself with the Jesus Prayer without first learning properly about it; and he began to occupy himself with it. Pleasant feelings appeared in him; and he thought that this was already the fruit of prayer. And he became more and more puffed up. Visions began for him; and he kept consoling himself. And it seemed to him as though at times he were walking in a wondrous garden; and each time it was so pleasant for him to begin the prayer.

Only once he spoke with someone knowledgeable, and he was asked whether he was entering into the words of the prayer. But he did not even know that this was necessary. And when he began to enter into the words and reproach himself, the consoling feelings and all the visions disappeared; because all this had been incorrect. Hold fast to humility, self-reproach, and simplicity!

Fifth Conversation

“What can I say to you? I can say nothing. I myself know nothing, have learned nothing; so what else can I say to others? For I am unlearned, you understand? Poorly educated. For how was I taught? I was taught to read from the Psalter, the ‘Our Father,’ the ‘Theotokos’ — this was when I had turned eight years old; and I was taught nothing more. I wanted to study further, and they asked: how much do the books cost? They said: ‘Five rubles.’ Where were we to get such money? So at eight years old I finished my education — I remained completely uneducated, I know nothing. And I would have liked to study more then.”

Sixth Conversation

“I keep waiting for death, but death does not come to me. I thought: ‘I shall not live to seventy-seven years,’ but on March 20 my seventy-seventh year was completed; and now I have already lived thirteen days of my seventy-eighth year; yet death still does not come for me. What am I living for? Who needs me? I am a burden to everyone! The brethren endure me — thanks be to them, they do not drive me out! But I, a lazy man, live, doing nothing, as a stumbling block to others. The brethren all around work and labor; but I, a lazy man, do nothing. An unworthy monk, an unworthy abbot! I have already lived in the monastery for fifty-five years, and have done nothing — I do not even have any notion of the monastic life. Here my elder, Father Alexander, lived seventy years, Venerable Seraphim seventy years, Father Ambrose of Optina seventy-three years — and what lamps they were, true elders, ascetics; but I have lived seventy-seven years and have not managed to please God. And with what shall I, wretched as I am, stand before the dread Judgment of God? The Lord has bestowed everything upon me: He brought me, at twenty-two years of age, to the holy monastery in 1866; after eight years I was ordained a hierodeacon, and in 1885, a hieromonk; and the Lord clothed me in the schema. The Lord granted me everything; but I have done nothing, have pleased God in nothing, and I fear the righteous Judgment of God at His dread Judgment.

The entire monastery has been built up by the labors of the brethren; they are all good to me, laborers, so obedient! I alone show them an example of laziness and negligence.

The 26th was the day of my Angel — for I was called Gabriel. I was born on March 20, 1844.”

Seventh Conversation

A Word of Abbot Father Herman on the Schema

“Many monastics fear the schema; they fear laying upon themselves vows which they will not be able to keep. Father Alexander, my elder, had a spiritual daughter, the nun Euphrosynia; later she confessed to me, and she died about two years ago. I always told her: ‘Receive the schema!’ And she would answer me: ‘Batiushka, but can I? Am I worthy?’ And I would answer her: ‘Which of us is worthy? Who can consider himself worthy? We can only humble ourselves, and by humility make up for the works which we do not have... What sort of schemamonk am I?! Lord, Thou seest my infirmity! I am good for nothing! Without Thee, O Lord, I am nothing!’”

 

Russian source: Беседы великих русских старцев [Conversations of the Great Russian Elders], Moscow: Trifonov Pechenga Monastery, Kovcheg, 2003.