Counsels for One Preparing for Confession

Archimandrite Lazar (Abashidze) (+2018)

(From the author’s work, Sin and Repentance in the Last Times)

 

 

It is said in Holy Scripture: My son, if thou come to serve the Lord God, prepare thy soul for temptation. Set thy heart aright, and be steadfast, and be not troubled in the time of visitation. Cleave unto Him, and depart not away, that thou mayest be increased at thy latter end (Sir. 2:1–3).

As soon as you resolve to fast, repent, and confess your sins, a multitude of obstacles, both inward and outward, will arise. The enemies of the human race, having learned of your intention, will begin in every way to trouble you outwardly through various circumstances, and inwardly through doubts, thoughts, and fears. But all this will disappear as soon as you show firmness in your intention.

One should confess as often as possible. The intervals between confessions should be filled with spiritual struggle and effort, strengthened by the preceding confession, and with expectation of and preparation for the next. Thus, the frequent confession of sins will guard your entire pious way of life and keep it sober. The grace of God, acting in the Mysteries of repentance and Holy Communion, perceptibly makes a person sensitive to his sins and infirmities; he is not so easily moved to sinful deeds and is strengthened in the truths of the Faith. The Church and all her ordinances become his own, close to his heart.

Although it is desirable to have one’s own spiritual father, this is by no means an indispensable condition for true repentance. For a person who truly suffers because of his sin, it makes no difference to whom he confesses it, provided only that he repent of it as soon as possible and receive absolution. Repentance must be entirely free and in no way compelled.

Confession is not a conversation about one’s shortcomings and doubts, nor is it an account of one’s life given to one’s spiritual father. Confession is a Mystery, not merely a pious custom. Confession is the fervent repentance of the heart, a thirst for purification arising from a sense of the sacred; it is a second Baptism, and consequently, in repentance we die to sin and rise again to holiness. Contrition is the first degree of holiness, while insensibility is a state of being outside holiness, outside God.

The first task of one preparing for confession should be the examination of the heart. For this, it is necessary to prepare for several days: to fast, read spiritual literature, pray more, read counsels and instructions concerning the Mystery of repentance, and recall and write down one’s sins. People inexperienced in the spiritual life usually perceive neither the multitude of their sins nor their loathsomeness. They say: “I have done nothing extraordinary; I have only minor sins, like everyone else—I have not stolen or killed anyone.” Many often begin their confession in this way. But what of self-love? The inability to endure reproaches? Hardness of heart? The desire to please men, weakness of faith, lack of love for one’s neighbor? Faintheartedness, spiritual sloth? Are all these insignificant sins? Can we claim that we love God sufficiently, that our faith is active and fervent? Do we love every person as the Savior commanded? Have we attained meekness, freedom from anger, and humility? How can our indifference at confession and our self-conceit be explained, except by petrified insensibility, by deadness of heart, by spiritual death? Why did the Holy Fathers and our teachers, who left us prayers of repentance, consider themselves the foremost of sinners, while we are convinced that all is well with us?! The more brightly the light of Christ illumines the heart, the more clearly all its defects, sores, and wounds are perceived. Conversely, people immersed in the darkness of sin see nothing in their hearts; and even if they do see something, they are not horrified, because they have nothing with which to compare it, for Christ is hidden from them by the veil of their sins.

In examining the moral state of one’s soul, one must strive to distinguish the principal sins from those derived from them, and symptoms from their deeper causes. For example, we notice—and this is very important—distraction during prayer, inattention during the divine services, and a lack of interest in hearing and reading Holy Scripture; but do not these sins arise from lack of faith and feeble love for God?! We must take note within ourselves of self-will, disobedience, self-justification, impatience with reproaches, unwillingness to yield, and stubbornness; but it is far more important to discover and understand their connection with self-love and pride. If we notice within ourselves a desire always to be in company and among people, and if we display talkativeness, mockery, and evil-speaking; if we are excessively concerned with our appearance and clothing, then we must carefully examine these passions, for most often it is in this way that our vainglory and pride manifest themselves. If we take the misfortunes of life too much to heart, endure separation with difficulty, and grieve inconsolably for the departed, is there not hidden within the force and depth of these sincere feelings of ours a lack of faith in the good Providence of God?

There is also another aid that leads us to the knowledge of our sins: before confession, we should recall the things of which we are usually accused by other people—those who live side by side with us, those close to us. Very often their accusations, reproaches, and criticisms are justified. Before confession, one must ask forgiveness of everyone before whom one considers oneself guilty, so as to approach the Mystery with an unburdened conscience.

In such an examination of the heart, one must take care not to fall into excessive scrupulosity and petty suspicion toward every movement of the heart. Once one sets out upon this path, one may lose the sense of what is important and what is unimportant and become entangled in trifles. In such cases, one must temporarily cease examining one’s soul and clarify it through prayer and good works.

Preparation for confession does not consist in recalling one’s sins as fully as possible, or even in writing them down, but in attaining that state of recollection, seriousness, and prayer in which, as though in the light, our sins become clearly visible. The penitent should bring to the spiritual father not a list of sins, but a feeling of repentance; not a detailed account of his life, but a contrite heart.

To know one’s sins does not yet mean to repent of them. It is true that the Lord accepts a confession that is sincere and conscientious, even when it is not accompanied by a strong feeling of contrition, provided that we confess this very sin—petrified insensibility—courageously and openly, without hypocrisy. And yet contrition of heart and sorrow for one’s sins are the most important things we can bring to confession. But what are we to do if our heart, scorched by the flame of sin, is not watered by the life-giving waters of tears? What if “spiritual infirmity and the weakness of the flesh” are so great that we are incapable of sincere repentance? Even so, this is no reason to postpone confession while waiting for a feeling of repentance. God may touch our heart during confession itself: the very act of confessing, of naming our sins aloud, may soften our heart, refine our spiritual sight, and intensify our feeling of repentance. Above all, prayerful preparation for confession and fasting help us overcome our spiritual sluggishness. By weakening our body, fasting disrupts the bodily comfort and complacency that are ruinous to the spiritual life. Yet fasting in itself only prepares and loosens the soil of our heart, which will then be able to absorb prayer, the word of God, the Lives of the Saints, and the writings of the Holy Fathers; and this, in turn, will lead to a more intense struggle against our sinful nature and move us actively to do good to those close to us.

Our insensibility at confession is rooted, for the most part, in our lack of the fear of God. It is toward this that our efforts must be directed. Therefore, it is very beneficial to read and reflect upon death, the Dread Judgment, the grievous state of sinners in hell, the fleeting nature of this life, and the boundless magnitude of eternity.

One should not wait to be questioned at confession, but must make the effort oneself, for confession is an ascetic struggle and an act of self-compulsion. One must speak precisely, without obscuring the ugliness of sin by means of general expressions. It is quite difficult, but necessary, when confessing, to avoid the temptation of self-justification; to renounce attempts to explain “mitigating circumstances” to the spiritual father; and to refrain from referring to others who supposedly led one into sin. All these are signs of self-love, of the absence of profound repentance, and of continuing to wallow in sin. Sometimes people refer to a weak memory, which supposedly prevents them from recalling all their sins. And indeed, it often happens that we easily and quickly forget our falls into sin. But is this due only to a weak memory? For example, we remember for many years those occasions when our self-love was especially painfully wounded, when we were undeservedly offended; or, conversely, everything that flatters our vainglory—successes, good deeds, praise, and expressions of gratitude. Everything in our worldly life that makes a strong impression upon us we remember clearly and for a long time. Is it not because we attach no serious importance to our sins that we forget them?

At confession people often say: We have already confessed a certain sin, yet we continue to be troubled by fear because of its gravity—that it will not be forgiven us—and we simply cannot forget it. What, then? Should we repeat it at confession or not? At confession, say everything that troubles you, everything that pains you; therefore, do not be ashamed to speak once again of your former sins. This is good; it will testify that you continually bear a sense of your own wretchedness and overcome all shame at revealing your sinful wounds.

Some are afraid and seem not to believe that their sins can be forgiven, and this fear sometimes assumes a morbid form. This feeling of fear rests either upon a lack of faith, hope, and love for the merciful Lord, or upon the frequent repetition of sins. Strive not to sin, and then, with God’s help, your anxiety that the Lord will not forgive you will also diminish. Do not dare to think that your sins are so great that it is not even worth repenting. Who receives our repentance? Who heals our sinful wounds? Almighty God. Take note: Almighty! The Almighty Physician! And as such, He makes forgiveness possible for even the gravest of all sins.

There are so-called unconfessed sins with which many people live for many years, perhaps even for their entire lives. They continually desire to reveal them to their spiritual father, but are too ashamed to speak of them, and thus year after year passes. Meanwhile, these sins constantly burden the soul and prepare it for eternal condemnation. Oh, how greatly one must fear unrepented sins! Our life, according to the Apostle, is as a vapor (James 4:14)—today we are alive, and tomorrow our departure may be at hand. Where, then, shall we conceal our sins there? We should be ashamed of sin, not of repentance. Repentance is a victory over oneself; it is a trophy of victory, so that one who has repented is worthy of every respect and honor.

The sign of perfect repentance is a feeling of lightness, purity, and ineffable joy, when sin seems as difficult and impossible as this joy had previously seemed distant.

Repentance will not be complete unless, in repenting, a person becomes inwardly confirmed in the resolve not to return to the same sin. But you may say: “How can I promise that I will not repeat the sin? Would it not be more correct to think that, most likely, the sin will be repeated because of our infirmity? After all, everyone knows from experience that after some time one inevitably returns to the same sins, and often, from year to year, no improvement is noticeable.” But in reality this is not so! There is no instance in which sincere repentance, a good desire to amend oneself, and Holy Communion received with faith have failed to produce beneficial changes in the soul. It is also difficult for a person to judge his own condition. Increasing demands upon oneself, greater strictness, and increasingly acute spiritual vision often create the impression that one’s sins have become more numerous and have grown stronger. The believer begins to think that he has become even more sinful and that his maladies have worsened; but in reality, much has already improved and much evil has been cast aside, while in its place things previously unnoticed have been revealed, and the struggle must continue with no less intensity.

Often the Lord, in His special Providence, conceals our progress from our eyes in order to preserve us from vainglory and pride. Conversely, lest we fall into despondency and fail to resolve to begin the struggle against sin, the Lord does not permit us immediately to see the full extent of our fall into sin, which is exceedingly dreadful, but opens our eyes gradually as we make progress. A sin may remain for a long time, but frequent confession and Communion of the Holy Mysteries have already loosened and weakened its roots. And is not the very struggle against sin, the suffering caused by sin, itself an acquisition?! “Do not be afraid—even if you fall every day and stray from the ways of God, stand courageously, and the Angel who guards you will honor your patience,” says Saint John Climacus.

And even if there is no such feeling of relief and renewal, one must have the strength to return to confession, to free one’s soul completely from impurity, courageously to bring forth all its deformities and every defilement—without concealment, without embellishment—and to cleanse it of blackness and filth. One who strives for this will always make progress!

Only let us not attribute our progress to ourselves, rely upon our own strength, or place our hope in our own abilities. By doing so, we may destroy everything we have acquired.

“Yea, O Lord and King, grant me to see my own transgressions…”; “O Lord, grant me the thought of confessing my sins…”; “Gather my scattered mind, O Lord, and cleanse my frozen heart; as unto Peter, grant me repentance; as unto the publican, sighing; and as unto the harlot, tears.”

Amen.

 

Russian source:

https://azbyka.ru/otechnik/Lazar_Abashidze/greh-i-pokajanie-poslednih-vremen/3