"We must start with the small"

Mother Seraphima (Liven), Abbess of the Convent of the Holy Protection of the Mother of God, Sofia, Bulgaria

 

We have already understood that in order for our hearts to burn with love for the Lord and our neighbors, we must learn to fulfill His commandments. Therefore, we must direct our attention precisely to this. But where and how do we begin?

We must start with the small; it may seem small, but in reality, it is very important... Saint John the Theologian, the wondrous and beloved disciple of the Lord, speaks constantly about love in his epistles and writes there: "Whoever hates his brother is a murderer" (1 John 3:15). Therefore, if you hate someone in your thoughts, even if you do no harm to them in deed, before God you are already a murderer. However, to reach such hatred, which is a very severe state of the soul, it usually begins with something small. For example, with some small ill will or resentment that has appeared within you, and you did not pay it any attention at all. Someone offends you, your love for that person immediately vanishes, and a little ill will arises—or perhaps greater ill will if the offense is more significant. Because with our excessive self-love, we “legitimately” allow ourselves irritation, judgmental thoughts, bad feelings, ill will, envy, and all sorts of other things... It appears, passes, and goes away, and we have even forgotten about it... For us, this is considered something normal. But, my little children, is this truly normal? Know that if you wish to acquire love, the moment even the slightest ill will appears, you must immediately, from the very beginning, wage a great battle against it. This applies to all passions, and it is of utmost importance to begin the struggle at the very moment of the attack. If you begin immediately, the Lord helps. But if you consent once, twice, and allow the devilish thoughts into your heart, afterward, the evil becomes much harder to uproot.

Because when you think and do good, you acquire a habit of goodness, and when you think and do evil, you acquire a habit of evil, and it takes root in you, forming a passion. And the struggle with it becomes much, much harder... When a person often accepts bad thoughts, they sin, sin, and their soul becomes damaged, acquiring a sinful disposition. Later, the person wants to stop but cannot; they have no strength and become a slave to sin—the devil has already made a path to their heart, easily sneaking in and releasing his poisonous arrows. Then, many tears, much prayer, and labor are needed to attract God's help and for the Lord to deliver you from the passion.

And therefore, when, God forbid, a lack of love toward someone or bad thoughts and feelings arise within us, let it be your law: "I cannot go to sleep until I cleanse my impure heart!" Remember: you must not go to sleep, my dear children, until the malice is gone from your heart! And to destroy this malice, you must first entreat the Lord for help. Prayer to the Lord is the most powerful means of driving away demons and cleansing the heart. Ask the Lord for help, for help and forgiveness, because by accepting such thoughts and feelings, you have sinned before Him.

Then, be sure to pray also for the one against whom the bad feeling has arisen: "Lord, have mercy on my sister, and for the sake of her holy prayers, have mercy on me, the sinner!" This helps greatly, because with this prayer you force yourself to show love toward the one who has offended you; it is as if you compel yourself to fulfill God's commandment and do the opposite of what the devil suggests. And this weakens the devil. You must always act contrary to his suggestions, because he only incites evil and more evil. For example, he may whisper to you: "Go ahead, tell her what she deserves, so she finally understands her worth, so she doesn't think too highly of herself!" But you must do the exact opposite—remain silent, do not utter a single bad word, and ask for forgiveness. For in every confrontation, you must always ask forgiveness from the sister involved. Let this be an unchanging rule for you. If there was no confrontation between you, but only a bad feeling arose within you, then entreat the Lord: "Lord, have mercy on me, cleanse my heart; I do not want to have such bad feelings toward my sister!"

And furthermore—we must always blame ourselves! When there is some kind of confrontation, the Lord has allowed it so that a person may repent and come to understanding. Even when it seems to you that you are completely blameless, you must know that the Lord is sending it to you for some other reason, and it has not come by chance or randomly. You must immediately feel guilt. This feeling of guilt is extremely necessary. When you feel guilt, it lays the foundation for repentance. Know this: if "undeserved" troubles have come upon you, it means the Lord is cleansing you from some previous sins. And even if you do not remember for what forgotten sin this has happened, say immediately: "Lord, You are punishing me for my sins. Lord, forgive me, Lord, cleanse me!..." When this feeling of repentance is present, you will see how immediately grace will touch your heart. Therefore, it is of great importance to feel guilty and under no circumstances allow bad feelings toward others. If you have bad feelings, you are a transgressor, and if you even have "proof" that the other is guilty, then you are an even greater transgressor—not only do you fail to cleanse and watch over your heart, but you also open your heart wide to the devil.

Remember this law: I am always guilty, and only I am guilty! Each one of us should think and feel for herself that she is guilty, that she has erred, that surely she has done something wrong and thereby provoked the other. The feeling of guilt always brings us closer to the Lord. And we must strive to be near Him. But first and foremost, we must humble ourselves, because our spiritual father, Grandfather Bishop Seraphim, was very humble, and we are his spiritual children. And since we are his spiritual children, we must resemble him. Do you agree? Well, it is a little difficult, but it is necessary. We must become humble people. We must do everything modestly, without speaking out, without commanding, doing everything quietly, inconspicuously, and as if before the Lord.

 

Source: Православието е правилна вяра и живот според вярата, by Abbess Seraphima Liven (Sofia: St. Apostle and Evangelist Luke, 2013).